Commandments of Communication in the 21st Century

I have a memory from years ago of getting caught in a sudden California thunder storm, no umbrella to be found, searching frantically for the the nearest source of shelter which turned out to be a musty, warm, and dry telephone booth, still lingering with the scent of its last caller. I don't think I've seen a phone booth in fifteen years and God knows what's become of our super heroes.

Aww, those were the days... simpler times, they were. I remember the comforting pulse of my rotary telephone that seemed to take an eternity to dial a number, jerry-rigged with multiple phone cords to extend to every corner of the house. Remember pagers?? hahahaha....we really thought we were something, didn't we?

Now, we are quite simply inundated with so many instantaneous modes of communication that there is no clear protocol or best practice for conveying our message. True understanding and clear, concise delivery of our thoughts is hard enough. Even with the advantage of face-to-face interaction- body language, facial expression, and vocal tone- misunderstandings still ensue. The telephone has it's obvious limitations, but at least we gain the benefit of hearing tone, inflection, pregnant pauses, and other auditory cues. Email has become the primary method for communication in business these days, and though it provides a convenience and ease of use that has revolutionized the way we get our work done, it still can be hazardous when words are misinterpreted with an assumption and perception of accompanying tone that may indicate an entirely different meaning for the reader than what was originally intended by the author.

Most recently, I had a misunderstanding with an agent I was working with on a deal, wherein the agent sent me a text message regarding the need to meet to exchange some disclosures. I did not understand the nature of the request and the agent was lax in being explicit. We entirely misunderstood one another, created a lot of inconvenience for both of us, and wasted a lot of time and energy when we could have easily chosen a better form of communication to solve what was a very benign predicament.

Personally, I have had numerous misunderstandings with friends, based on ambiguous or vague text messaging, that has caused my overactive mind and slight paranoia to get the better of me. All of this ambiguity, I find, just creates a lot of wasted energy and brain damage. Consequently, I have come up with my Commandments of Communication, effective immediately, for clients, family, and friends. They are:

1. I am an interpersonal, kinesthetic communicator. Sometimes I am dense and slow. THE BEST WAY FOR ME TO TRULY UNDERSTAND YOUR NEEDS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, AND THOUGHTS IS TO HAVE A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH YOU. This is the best way for you to be heard, for me to understand, and for you to feel confident in knowing that I understand you. It is also the best way for me to get to know you and what makes you tick. This is my preferred method of communication, however, if this is not possible, please proceed to commandment #2.

2. The next best way for us to understand one another is for you to PICK UP THE TELEPHONE TO CONVEY YOUR MESSAGE. I may not get the benefit of reading your facial expressions and non-verbal cues, but at least we will have the advantage of experiencing one another's vocal tone and inflections. It only takes a moment to dial my number and if I don't pick up the phone, please leave a message that clearly states your intent. I will call you back when I am available, to clarify and confirm your message. If your message contains details that you wish to reiterate or commit to written form, please proceed to commandment #3.

3. EMAIL IS A GREAT WAY TO COMMUNICATE AND MEMORIALIZE FACTUAL INFORMATION ONLY, but don't expect me to interpret tonality. If you wish to express emotion in addition to facts, please refer to commandment #1 or commandment #2, in order of preference.

4. TEXT MESSAGING IS FOR LIMITED USE ONLY! Feel free to send me the 'joke of the day,' or a funny picture by text message, but do not ask me questions or otherwise send information that requires me to respond. I will not. Do not expect me to engage in back-and-forth banter, and do not send me elaborate direction or instruction via this form of communication. If we have already communicated by some other form, and either one of us has requested a phone number, address, or short and concise bit of information in the form of a text message, then by all means, send me one. Otherwise, please rely on methods of communication outlined in Commandments #1, 2, and 3.

Perhaps my newly coined Commandments are a bit rigid but, frankly, I have grown nostalgic for good old-fashioned person-to-person interaction with my clients, colleagues, and friends. Not only does this approach to communication reduce ambiguity and misunderstanding, but I believe it also helps to build an unspoken element of trust between parties in a way that no form of written communication can.

I am looking forward to experimenting with these new 'best practices' for communication and I am hopeful that by literally trying to 'see eye to eye,' keeping it simple, and striving to understand the person behind the message, that life will take on a truer and simpler form. Stay tuned!

By the way, I sell Real Estate in Los Angeles, so don't hesitate to contact me for any questions regarding the market here in Urban L.A.!